Murf

Well, the first thing most everyone who’s seen my blog thus far read my “About me” as wordpress called it. Well, I truthfully call that my first post…that’s pretty much the only way I could start off an entire blog about the interesting stories of my life and the things that make people so curious as to who I am as a human being.

So…this is really hard to move on from there….but, I guess I have to!

I’ve come to the realization that I’m the most heartsick person out there today…okay, so maybe I can’t guarantee that, but trust me, I challenge plenty of other people out there for being a huge sap. For god’s sake, you’re reading the blog of a 15 year old guy who actually is a fan of movies like Catch and Release, Elizabethtown, Love Actually, and plenty of other “chick flicks” out there.

I find it entertaining though that most males now-a-days totally alienate themselves from movies and television shows like that. As if they were ever to say they liked watching films like that, they’d automatically be classified as gay (which is a stupid prejudgment set by the wonderful stereotypes of society today).

But moving on, the point is I’m a total heartsick sap…I’ve only had one “love” and it was in 5th grade (does that count as like a true relationship? hah, I’m not too sure) She and I are still very good friends though, but knew that obviously wouldn’t work out. But ever since then, I’ve never found love in anyone (love as in a serious relationship). I don’t know…I don’t think it’s a big deal, but then again, I wish I could feel like a romantic, someone who can be charming and kind and polite and not come off as some ugly weirdo (which I’ve been told that way too many times before). I guess that’s the problem. My own self-conscience is what’s holding me back…but truthfully, people don’t give a damn about your self-conscience anymore…it’s all about looking like the celebrities in magazines and working out like it’s a religion.

Well, I’m not into that…I’m into writing, I’m into creating things, I’m into taking photographs of the world around me, I’m not some jock…and I doubt I ever will be. I doubt I’ll ever be “muscular” or have any form of a good looking body shape. It’s just something that really kills me inside.

Looks don’t matter though, I guess…I just wish that I could have someone to trust…so many people trust me, but I only have few that I personally trust. Very few.

I guess that’s the part that really annoys me and which I grow jealous of, is just having someone I can share my problems too…I swear, I can barely sleep at night anymore on school nights…I’m lucky to get 6 hours of sleep (at most!). Everything runs through my mind, and I can barely sort it or control it. I really do plan on seeing a therapist about that, but the point is, I just wish there was someone who I could let all my problems out to. I am close with my family, but we never have time to just talk. I try and try to work out time…but it seems to never work out.

I guess that’s the one wish I have from this old heartsick sap…I guess that’s all I wish for now.